I want my quarters (fighting the machine).

My apartment complex's laundry room is pretty much awful.  On any given day, three or four washers or dryers will be broken, the change machine will be finicky at best and most likely empty, the whole place smells like the north end of a southbound Mexican immigrant, and it's full of those awful flying abominations that look like giant mosquitos.  I don't know if they actually suck one's blood like mosquitos, but damned if I'm going to let them have the chance.
After a great many heated arguments with the washers/dryers (I lost most of said arguments), I decided it best to give the machines' owners what for.  The exchange was as follows.

Me: 

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to request a refund in the amount of $1.25 due to the malfunctioning of your dryer at [my address] (Unit number PFD-886).  Having placed a reasonably small load of laundry into the dryer (perhaps it would have been a larger one were the washers not so godawful small), I inserted my money and returned later to find my clothes slightly warmer and moved around a bit, but still quite wet.  Being that the machine is known as a "dryer" and not a "clothing warmer and reorganizer" I had expected that my clothing would be dry.  The other dryers worked fine.  I have had problems with other dryers before but did not bother to report them, thinking that maybe God just hated me.  Due to my failure to report them I do not expect a refund for past occurrences, but with gas prices currently exceeding tolerable levels, I must ask that I be refunded my $1.25.  Also, I must ask that the money be mailed to me in quarters since the laundry facility's change machine only accepts dollar bills that have been hand-delivered in hermetically sealed cases straight from the U.S. Mint.  I would try ironing my bills to make them acceptable, but I do not own an iron.

Sincerely,

[Me]

Them: [sends check for $1.25]

Me:

To Whom It May Concern:

I recently submitted a refund request due to a faulty dryer in my apartment complex’s laundry area. The text thereof was as follows:

 [original email text]

I subsequently received a check for $1.25, which would be completely acceptable were it not for the indisputable fact that a check for $1.25 is not five United States quarter dollar coins.  With gas prices currently exceeding $3.50 per gallon, it would cost me more than $1.25 to drive to the bank and cash the check. I could walk, but it’s been rather hot outside lately so I would need to stop for a drink at some point, which would most likely cost more than $1.25.  Furthermore, it seems logical that since the dryer stole my money when it was in the form of quarters, it is only fair that the money be returned in the same form. Additionally, since no one can be bothered to refill the change machine in the laundry room, quarters are a rare commodity here nowadays. This makes me less inclined to consider non-quarter refunds to be acceptable. In light of the above, I must again ask that I be sent $1.25 in quarters as previously requested.  Upon receipt of said quarters, I will either A) place the check in a self-addressed stamped envelope (to be included with said quarters) and return it or B) destroy the check, whichever you prefer. If this form of reimbursement cannot be arranged, I’m afraid I will have to renege on my previous promise and demand refunds for past incidents so as to be compensated for the gasoline required to travel to my bank.  Thank you for your prompt response, I am sure this can be resolved soon.

Sincerely,

[Me]

Them:  

          Dear [Me],

We apologize for the inconvenience but it is not normally our policy to send cash.  You will have to talk to our customer service department.  The number is [number].

Sincerely,
Yolanda

Me: [demands larger refund, randomly selecting machines to report as faulty]
Them: [sends refund]
Me: [wins]